- ~The King
King Harkanian (AKA, The King) is the top dog in the Land of Hyrule. He has been trained in over three-hundred forms of martial arts and wields a wide variety of weapons like sub-machine guns, swords, and dinner. He likes to drink wine from the Holy Grail, sometimes using his own blood to supplement if wine is unavailable.
Many of his subjects question Hyrule's current political relationship with the Great Valley, a relationship which has resulted in all hell breaking loose 100% of the time. Likewise, the dinosaurs themselves are wary about approaching the King whatsoever as he is known to shoot bullets at them periodically. Rumor has it that he like to eat longnecks for dinner.
The King is a very smelly man, most likely due to old age and mold growing underneath his beard. It has gotten to a point that he must go to the bathtub about three or four times a day and scrub, scrub, scrub all of his filth away. This has led to numerous pranks by his "loyal" subjects around the kingdom who often run scalding hot water through the bathroom pipes. Either that, or his plumbers haven't been using the enclosed instruction book properly.
Despite his martial arts training, the King has died many, many times during his lifetime. Often he will be killed by his ungrateful daughter Zelda or even by her gay boyfriend Link. One time, he was brutally killed by toast.
He is currently devising a plan to have Zelda and Link assassinated before they drive him mad.